Is it possible that there is one major cause of psychological pain and suffering?
Yes! The significant cause of suffering is UNKINDNESS – to yourself and others.
Let’s take a look at why unkindness causes the majority of the pain on earth.
When you are unkind to yourself though your thoughts, like judging yourself by telling yourself you are not good enough, how do you feel? Anxious, fearful, hurt, angry? Your unkind self-judgments are causing your suffering.
When you are unkind to yourself through your self-abandoning activities, like eating badly, not exercising, or ignoring your own feelings and picking addictions, how do you feel? In the future you may end up feeling physically sick, scared, alone and so forth. Your self-abandoning absence of self-kindness is causing your suffering.
When you’re unkind to others through your words or deeds, how do you wind up feeling? Angry, lonely, empty, alone? Your unloving actions are causing your distress.
Suffering is caused by unkindness to ourselves and others. Can we have wars, famine, crime, homelessness or abuse if we were focused on kindness to ourselves and to others?
Suffering Is a Result of the Wounded Self
The suffering in the world is caused by our wounded selves. The wounded self is never concentrated on true kindness. The wounded self is focused on control, and might even use kindness toward others as a form of control, but control isn’t kind and will eventually lead to suffering.
This may never change on the level of the wounded self. We can’t move to kindness unless that is our intent, and the intent of the wounded self is always to restrain ourselves and others. The wounded self believes that controlling brings security. It is devoted to controlling because it came into being when we were young to try and make us feel safe. The wounded self does not understand that its current efforts to make us feel safe cause our suffering.
Consciously Changing Your Intent Can Heal Your Suffering
It is only when our intent changes from control to learning what is most kind to ourselves and others that true change can happen. When you choose to concentrate on the question,”What’s most kind to me in this moment?” Then follow through with the kind thought or action – toward others and yourself – you will be on the path of ending your suffering. As long as your major focus is on the questions,”How can I have control over feeling safe and loved? How do I have control over not being rejected and hurt? How do I have control over not being commanded?” You’ll be perpetuating your suffering.
Kindness is always a CONSCIOUS choice. If you don’t consciously choose your intent – your focus in the moment – then you will unconsciously be concentrated on control.
Practicing Inner Work Healing Process Can End Your Suffering
This is what practicing Internal Work is all about. It’s about choosing to be conscious of your suffering so that you can consciously decide to take responsibility for it by consciously choosing the intent to learn about how your wounded self is causing your distress. It is about consciously deciding to open to your guidance about what is most kind to yourself in any given moment regarding your thoughts and actions toward others and yourself. It is about consciously deciding to put kindness into action through your thoughts and actions.
If you decide to practice Step One of Inner Work – practicing mindfulness of your own inner experience, your feelings, your emotions, your own distress, and consciously choosing to take 100% responsibility for your emotions – then you can consciously choose the other steps of Inner Work Healing procedure. Practicing Step One is the first step toward ending your suffering.